Now, don’t get too giddy with excitement over my offer, because you and I are going to be up at 5 in the morning, seven days a week and I am going to get you pumped up for battle every single day (see photo). Each morning you and I will do 100 jumping jacks and you will repeat after me:
“THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ELECTED ME, NOT THE REPUBLICANS, TO RUN THE COUNTRY! I AM IN CHARGE! I WILL ORDER ALL OBSTRUCTIONISTS OUTTA MY WAY! IF THE AMERICAN PEOPLE DON’T LIKE WHAT I’M DOING THEY CAN THROW MY ASS OUT IN 2012. IN THE MEANTIME, I CALL THE SHOTS ON THEIR BEHALF! NOW, CONGRESS, DROP AND GIVE ME 50!!”
Then we will put on our jogging sweats and run up to Capitol Hill. We will take names, kick butts, and then take some more names. If we have to give a few noogies or half-nelson’s, then so be it. In our pockets we will have a piece of paper to show the pansy Dems just how much they won by in 2008 — and the poll results that show the majority of Americans oppose the Afghanistan and Iraq wars and want the bankers punished. Like drill sergeants, we will get right up in their faces and ask them, “WHAT PART OF THE PUBLIC MANDATE DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND, SOLDIER?!! DROP AND GIVE ME 50!”
[...]
But the Republicans were not going to go quietly into the night. You see, instead of having just one Rahm Emanuel, they are ALL Rahm Emanuels. That’s why they usually win. Unlike most Democrats, they are relentless and unstoppable. When they believe in something (which is usually themselves and the K Street job they hope to be rewarded with someday), they’ll fight for it till the death. They are loyal to a fault to each other (they were never able to denounce Bush, even though they knew he was destroying the party). They dig their heels in deep no matter what. If you exiled them to a lone chunk of melting polar ice cap, they would keep insisting that it was just a normal “January thaw,” even as the frigid Arctic waters rose above their God-fearing necks (“See what I mean — this water is COLD! What ‘global warming‘?! Adam and Eve rode dinos…aagghh!!… gulp gulp gulp”).
We thought we were all done with this craziness, but we were mistaken. Like a beast that you just can’t cage, the Republicans convinced not only the media, but YOU and your fellow Dems, that 59 votes was a minority! Precious time was lost trying to reach a “consensus” and trying to be “bipartisan.”
[...]
Let me be clear about one thing: The Democrats on Election Day 2010 are going to get an ass-whoopin’ of biblical proportions if things don’t change right now. And after the new Republican majority takes over, they, along with a few conservative Democrats in Congress, will get to bipartisanly impeach you for being a socialist and a citizen of Kenya. How nice to see both sides of the aisle working together again!
And the brief window we had to fix this country will be gone.
Hey, great way to promote hospitality in Tennessee Mr. CEO. I don’t think I’ll be visiting your state anytime soon. If that’s your definition of “hospitality,” I’d just as soon stay home.
(This is the trap the Republicans are in: Playing to the Tea Partiers while offending everyone else.)
In an article published online by the New York Times today — David Axelrod, Obama’s Message Maven, Finds Fingers Pointing at Him — President Obama’s “closest adviser” is portrayed as burned out and clueless as to how Obama is being perceived, as to the ways of Washington and, in particular, of the media.
Obviously I don’t know if the author, Mark Liebovich, had a chip on his shoulder going into this assignment but what he wrote is alarming. Axelrod sounds so tired, so discouraged and so directionless, one would think he’d been in the White House for six or seven years.
I made the mistake of turning to CNN just now (6:33 p.m. ET) — “The Situation Room.” Wolf Blitzer’s guests are James Carville, a Democrat, and Ed Rollins, a Republican. They are discussing Senator Blanche Lincoln’s (D) bid for re-election in Arkansas. Carville admits that he’s supporting her. Rollins says she’s got to appeal to Independents. They both essentially agree that she’s a great candidate (something many Democrats strongly disagree with; she is seen as a Republican in Democratic clothing).
So, CNN, what was the point of this segment? Having two bodies on the set doesn’t necessarily mean the audience is hearing two opinions.
It’s a beautiful day here in Colorado. I’m going to go out and do some raking; I’m feeling sorry for the little green shoots that are trying to fight their way through mats of soggy, half-rotted leaves. Fortunately, I don’t have any trees that need to be cut down.
