Romney Wraps Himself in Bacon
Speaking of bacon:
To Boost Popularity, Romney Sprinkles Self with Bacon
(The Borowitz Report) – In what some are calling a move designed to help him connect better with voters, Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney today began sprinkling himself with bits of bacon before each campaign appearance.
According to one campaign staffer, the decision to sprinkle Mr. Romney with a zesty meat topping was inspired by Burger King’s announcement that it would soon be selling a Bacon Sundae at its fast-food restaurants.
“Apparently, everything is a little more palatable with bacon on top,” the staffer said. “Even Mitt Romney.”
As part of the bacon rollout, the campaign changed its official slogan today from “Romney: Believe in America” to “Romney: Now with Yummy Bacon.”
“I thought his speech was kind of boring,” said Carol Foyler, 44, a receptionist for a Columbus law firm. “But he smelled delicious.”
Not so impressed, however, was computer programmer Tracy Klugian, 25: “I was sitting in the front row, and I’m pretty sure Romney’s bacon bits were fake.”
I can almost see Romney doing this in his never-ending quest to kiss the ass of every single voter in the U.S.