Posts filed under ‘Humor / Satire’
A giant teddy bear was brazenly
stolen “kidnapped” from in front of a Montbell store in downtown Boulder (Colorado) at roughly 7:00 p.m. on Tuesday. The moron who did it posted a picture of him and the bear (below) on CraigsList and the Boulder Police Department tracked him down and retrieved the bear last night. This is the PD’s hilarious press release detailing the “rescue:”
Boulder police have been investigating the theft of a large, stuffed bear from outside the Montbell store on Pearl Street and last night, Thursday, June 20, 2013, detectives and officers from the Target Crime Team unit rescued the bear from a campsite in the Roosevelt National Forest outside of Boulder.
Three male suspects, visiting from out of state, kidnapped the bear on Tuesday, June 18, 2013 just before 7 p.m. Although the Pearl Street Mall is generally crowded with people, no one was able to identify the culprits or their getaway car.
Police didn’t have much to work with in the way of suspect information until last evening, when they found a Craig’s List personal ad showing a photo of a man hugging the bear outside the Montbell store. The ad asked the women who “may or may not have helped” steal the bear to contact the poster. Police contacted the suspect through the ad, and he confessed to stealing the bear with his friends.
The suspect told police that he and his accomplices (all are from out of state) took the bear camping in the Roosevelt National Forest, because they thought it would be “fun.” When they left their campsite to return home, they gifted the bear to another group of out-of-state campers they’d met over the past few days.
The suspect from the Craig’s List ad gave police directions to the campsite, and officers drove to the area last night. When they arrived they immediately located the bear — which was being held against his will– in a nearby Jeep. Police interviewed the campers, and they were cooperative during the investigation.
Officers recovered the bear and gave him a special escort back to the Boulder Police Department, where he spent the night.
The bear does not appear to be injured, but he was missing his fishing vest when police found him. The bear has not shared any information about what happened to him during the incident, so details are not available.
It will be up to the owners of the Montbell store to decide whether to pursue charges.
The bear will be returned this afternoon.
Simultaneously sad and hilarious:
This would be our Tweet of the Day:
Irene is a government plot to drive you out of your house and into a concentration camp so Obama can take all your money and give to women in Kenya who want abortions. Yeeeeeeeee.
Over and over today I saw references in the MSM to the Restore Sanity and/or Fear rally in D.C. as one spearheaded by two “comedians.”
The “liberal” American media didn’t know what to make of the rally, in its typically corporate-centered, out-of-touch way.
Thankfully, Al Jazeera still has an idea of what it means to be a journalist as opposed to a corporate hack:
Political satirists. That’s what they are. How hard is that?
While there is absolutely nothing to smile about in the Gulf, this send-up of BP executives’ incompetence and dithering is pretty amusing.
Look at this gaudy bag the Home Shopping Network is hawking tonight. My God. At $260 a pop, it’s sold out!
You have got to be kidding me.
Don’t know whether to file this under “Fashion,” “Financial Crisis,” “Don’t Get Ripped Off,” “Humor/Satire,” or a yet-to-be-established category called something like, Who-Would-Pay-Good-Money-in-This-Economy-For-a-Fly-in-the-Pants-Purchase-Like-This-That-Went-Out-of-Style-in-1200-BC?
Follow the tweets here.
(Calm down. This is filed under “Humor/Satire.” The point is to mock what’s happening in Louisiana tonight, sad as it is.)
Read the always spot-on Andy Borowitz: Decision to Stop Making Hummers Saddens Assholes.
Love that title.
From The Onion.
This image from the fun new blog, There, I Fixed It:
Yesterday I read in my local paper that my state representative, Jack Pommer, a Democrat, has been fined $45,000+ for being 915 days late filing campaign finance reports. His excuse? “I’m just really bad at it.” And the dude sits on the Colorado state Budget Committee for God’s sake.
Today I read a transcript of CNBC’s Erin Burnett saying, “it your obligation in this country… [to] pay as little” in taxes “as you can.”
So what did I learn today? Well heck, I’m “just really bad” at filing out tax forms too but insofar as it’s my “obligation” to pay as little as I can, when it comes to filing my 2009 return, I’ll see what I can do to fulfill my “obligation,” but if I don’t get around to actually filing my return for oh, say 2-1/2 years, I’m sure the IRS will understand when I tell them “I’m just really bad at it.” And hey, maybe the government will bail me out and foot the bill for any penalties I might have to pay. Hey yeah, that’ll work.
Something funny coming out of one of the stupidest things to happen in a long time.
After decades as a Republican, Specter suddenly moved to the left.
Come on Karl. I know it’s early but you can come up with something better than that. How about it’s due to brain damage caused by his cancer meds?
And I felt it for eight long, dark years.
Sasha Obama appears before a Senate finance committee to explain how and why she took $136.00 in allowance money last year when so many Americans were suffering due to the recession.
(Given that the right is picking at every little itsy-bitsy thing the Obamas do, don’t do, say or wear, something like this just might come to pass before it’s all said and done.)