What if Justin Bieber Was Pakistani?

January 23, 2014 at 2:46 PM 1 comment

Here is the Washington Post‘s satirical but all-too-realistic account of what we’d be reading about Justin Bieber today if he was from Pakistan, or Iran:

Justin Bieber via Wikimedia

(Justin Bieber mug shot 1-23-14 via Wikipedia)

LANGLEY, Va. – U.S. law enforcement officials have seized Canadian national Justin Bieber, ending a reign of terror that analysts suggest could potentially be linked to al-Qaeda.

Though Bieber is best-known to Americans for his pop music and celebrity persona, his humble origins in the faraway nation of Canada belie his Westernized public image. His family hails from a tribal district known as Ontario, a lawless expanse of pine trees and information technology firms, and a well-known breeding ground for extremism. Bieber’s home village is referred to locally as London, a legacy of Canada’s history as a remote and violent corner of the British Empire.

U.S. intelligence agencies say they are investigating a potential link to al-Qaeda, according to a spokesperson who acknowledged that Bieber’s rampage bore the hallmarks of the global terrorist group’s activities. Though al-Qaeda is not known to have yet established a foothold in Canada, its leaders have previously hinted at assets there.

Canada has been roiled by political instability and protests in recent years, which analysts warn can create fertile ground for extremists.


“We can’t rule out the possibility that Bieber is an AQIA sleeper cell,” McZelin added, referring to the possible Canada-based spin-off group al-Qaeda in the Islamic Acadia.

The FBI declined to confirm reports that Bieber may have once visited the Internet, which analysts consider a hotbed of radical Islam.

Bieber has resided in the United States for years on a Canadian passport, raising questions about U.S. intelligence failures that may have allowed the young foreign national to plan his violent campaign undetected.


Moral of the story:  The labels and accusations our media spews, when writing about “suspected terrorists,” fed by assertions made by leakers and exaggerators from the military industrial complex and unverified by reporters, could fit just about anyone from any country.


Entry filed under: Fear, Terror.

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