Keeping a happy marriage means to make daily investment in the relationship. As a former couples’ psychologist, I can say that the lack of investment is the main cause of the degeneration of relationships. A marriage is like a living thing; it must be nurtured every single day if you want it to last, or else the marriage will fade and die. Many take time to realize that the marriage is over, and live decades together with a person whom barely tolerate the presence.
Getting married is easy. In Vegas, people can decide to marry and do it in the same day, but how much work it takes to sustain a marriage? A lot. There are things that you should never forget if you want to keep your marriage alive and happy.
First of all; communication. In marriage, a couple must be able to talk about anything. It was almost unbelievable when married couples, in my office, told to each other simples things that they never said before. Things like “I hate when you leave a wet towel over the bed…” or “I have 5000 dollars in my second bank account…”. Unsaid things in marriage build distance between the spouses and create bubbles with nasty feelings inside. Once again, married people must be able to talk about anything, so they can work the feelings when they appear. When feelings towards each other are trapped inside the spouses, they create roots and tentacles, suffocating the person and the marriage. Love can became utmost dislike in little time when the spouses can’t communicate with each other.
The second thing is time. That is one of the most common problems nowadays. Spouses aren’t spending time with each other. In marriage, is important that people dedicate time to the relationship. In these days where people study and work all the time, is not unusual to neglect time to the marriage. Married couples must spend at least one quality hour together every day (sleeping time is not quality time for the marriage), or else the spouses will grow apart and won’t know each other after some time. I know it’s hard to find time, but will be harder to spend your little free time alone after your marriage is over.
Third; be nice to your spouse. After some years of marriage, people start to take the spouse for granted and won’t even say a single “I love you” every now and then. In marriage, is important for the spouses to remind each other how they feel. “I love you” can be said in thousands of ways and that gesture can bring a whole day of happiness for the person who hears it. You can say “I love you” telling how much your spouse is pretty today, or giving him/her a little gift with no specific reason beyond your love, or taking breakfast to bed. Really… there are thousands of ways, and usually doing to the other something that you would like to be done to you is a fine way to say “I love you”. That is one is a very powerful tip, and certainly can turn gray marriages in incredibly happy ones. For a successful marriage, there should be trust between the partners. Things like track boyfriends text messages, is a relationship thing. it should not be implemented in a successful marriage.
Marriage is one of the most amazing experiences people can go through, but if you leave your marriage aside just for a while, it can become something unpleasant the point where the only thing left to do will be to call the divorce lawyers. To mend a broken marriage is much harder than maintaining it, so, keep your marriage alive; it worth it.